quetzalzotz: (Ixchel)
Today is the solstice! In my personal mythology, this is when Quetzalcoatl is at his strongest, and after today, he transfers power back to Cama Zotz.

I don't have anything really planned for today, but I did stop at Chapters, and I got a new oracle deck. It's the Messages from your Animal Spirit Guides deck. I asked Dukat if he'd let me do a animal totem pull for him.

Pueo (Hawaiian Owl)

Omg they're adorable.

"Your ancestral spirit guides are offering you guidance now, so pay close attention to signs and omens from them."
I don't know much about Cardassian spiritual beliefs, but I do know family is hugely important to them. And Dukat has lost pretty much all of his family.

quetzalzotz: (Crystals)
So I don't even know how I got to the farmer's almanac site, but there I was and I found out it had some really cool and useful stuff for my practice.

It's very obvious I'm not the target market for these guys, but I'm looking forward to going through it and printing out relevant stuff, like moon charts, astrological "best days" and the like. It's even customized for my area code.

I definitely think I'll get a copy every year. I'm a little disappointed I can't "subscribe" for the digital copies and get it each year without needing to remember, but the digital is cheaper, and no shipping. You can with the physical, I believe.

It's okay though, I can probably put reminders somewhere, lol.

I took a friend to an appointment today and we did some shopping after. First was at this amazing hippy store called Grasshopper. It's got a lot of neat things. I got a Karimba finger piano, and a tie-dyed headband. We also picked up some tie dyed onesies for the twins and Shara. They had cute baby mukluks too, but it's too hot, obviously, and knowing mine and Kylo's genes, the girls will have GIANT feet so who knows what size they'd need for winter.

We also went to the crystal store. And they had some stuff hidden behind an 18+ curtain. So, being 18+, we looked.

Crystal dicks. SO MANY DICKS.

I got a small smokey quartz one in honor of my grey trash lord. (There is a relevant story about why this is extra funny, and I'll get it up on my regular blog)

Reading

Jun. 8th, 2017 04:59 pm
quetzalzotz: (Tarot)
My future sister-in-law is coming over in half an hour or so to get a tarot reading done and have some snacks, chill, chat. My apartment is still mostly a nightmare, but I have tried. I feel insecure about it but oh well. I really did try.

I have a bunch of snacks, from some cheese and meats, fruit kebabs, and candy and chips and chocolate.

I'm not sure what kind of reading she's interested in, if it's something more general or more specfic. I'm not sure if we'll do any other readings but I have my runes and pendulums ready as well.

I'm sort of hoping she'll want a full "work up" as it were. Birth charts, animal totems, chakra reading, crystals. It would be nice to have someone actually in real life who is interested in this stuff.

We'll start with the reading for now and see how it goes. I need to put out the meat and cheese soon.

Beings

Jun. 5th, 2017 12:38 pm
quetzalzotz: (Crystals)
I think I want to do more work with beings. Faeries, angels, creatures, what-have-you. I did work with faeries briefly, but then that got sidetracked...

See, I'm terrified of grey-type aliens. Other aliens? Like, I don't know, Spock, or Darth Maul, or Gul Dukat, I am 1000000% into and extremely attracted to them. But greys, greys scare the bejesus out of me. Even those weird Vagina Mouth greys from Enterprise scare me.

When I was still talking to Hex, she claimed the greys were a type of faerie. And sure, I actually did like some of her arguments and evidence in that case (one of the few things I didn't mind in her cult) but it turned me away from being magic at all.

BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED

SO OF COURSE I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT

But I had an awesome experience with angels at the psychic fair, and a lot of books on beings caught my eye while making my Wishlist section of my BoS, so I'm thinking I'll get a couple books and do some reading.

quetzalzotz: (Default)
I'm at that point in my Book work where I'm panicking because I don't know how to keep everything consistent.  I want it to somehow look professional, and I don't really know why. This isn't a professional book. This is my book, and it's okay if it's not consistent. As long as I understand it and know what I'm talking about, and I do my best to make it neat, it's fine.

Ugh, make my weirdness about this stoppp.

I think I'm going to ease my way into it, somehow. I'll figure it out.

My Alphabet section was easy. I found a great chart I printed out with 17 different lettering systems, lining up with the alphabet we know. It includes Tengwar and Tolkien dwavish runes. If only it had Klingon!

Binder

Jun. 3rd, 2017 12:15 pm
quetzalzotz: (Skulls)
I've already got some stuff accomplished for my binder. I have 31 tabs, and 26 sections, so I have room for five more sections, should I need them.

My sections are as follows:
Part 1 (first five sections): "About"
1. About me/the practice
2. Soulbond stuff (their crystals, birth charts, etc)
3. Deities and spirits, may include mythology
4. Alphabets, fictional and magical
5. Wish list because I am someone who looooves the accessories of paganism lol

Part two (the next 9): "Practice"
6. Divination-runes, tarot, pendulum, etc
7. Dreams, including dream journaling
8. Healing and Shaman work
9. Holidays
10. Moon Magic-moon zodiac signs, moon meanings, eclipses, etc
11. Spells, curses, magical recipies
12. Rituals
13. Writings, personal or found
14. Yoga

Part three (the last 12): "Correspondences"
15. Animals
16. Astrology (sun signs)
17. Chakras
18. Colours
19. Crystals
20. Days and Times
21. Elements
22. Incense
23. Numerology
24. Oils
25. Planets
26. Plants

While I mentioned on my main blog that I'm sick, I'm going to do some work on this while I decide if I'll go see my family later (and subsequently wash my hair, do my makeup, etc). I'm hoping to get the alphabets section done. I plan on doing this while watching DS9 which is perfect and no one can tell me otherwise.

My only annoyance is that my clear sheet protectors, for things like my aura photo or my moon phase card, are longer than the tabs, so they hide tabs and I can't see them. There isn't much I can do, because I don't want to punch holes in these, and some of them I can't, but augh, it's so annoying.

quetzalzotz: (Quetzalcoatl)
I have a book called Discover Your Psychic Type and it's not bad. It basically postulates that there are four types of psychic types: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

The book didn't have a ton of useful stuff for my BoS, but I did do the quiz.

C-55-Mental intuitive
A-45-Physical intuitive
D-39-Spiritual intuitive
B-33-Emotional intuitive

I'm surprised at my lower score for emotional intuitive, and my relatively high physical intuitive.

Mental makes sense. I want answers, lol.
quetzalzotz: (GoatHead)
It was my dad's birthday celebration and it was the immediate family. I had gotten my father some stuff from the psychic fair, and my future sister in law said she was jealous and wanted tarot readings. First, we agreed to go together in September (hopefully it won't be on the wedding weekend) and I told her I do tarot and all that stuff. Hopefully she'll take me up on it, because it would be so awesome. I feel like she'd benefit from crystals, and we could do a "reading' similar to what I do with my people, where we walk around the crystal shop in town, I make notes on what she's drawn to (even without purchases) and we interpret those meanings.

I think I'm going to go through my tarot decks and make notes on what deck works for what, if she is serious about getting readings from me. Then I could link her to that quick page (and eventually that would hold the links to more in depth reviews)

Plus it would be nice to have that for my own reference.

I do still feel pretty spiritual, which is nice. Even though it's late and I'm sleepy, I would like to do more transferring to Evernote.

I think it's because I wasn't ridiculed for the psychic fair. I lied to my aunt about it because she would have ridiculed me for it. I know she doesn't understand this sort of thing. I tell her I buy crystals because they're pretty (and they are but I have other uses for them), and she doesn't believe in this sort of thing.

Reading

May. 15th, 2017 07:48 pm
quetzalzotz: (Tarot)
I did a reading for [personal profile] the_choir today and it was pretty insightful I think.

There wa a scene in American Gods that really hit Fireez, and I offered to do a tarot reading. I modified a 12 Olympians spread using Egyptian gods.

Some didn't have a lot of messages, like Isis, who basically was like "YOU MARRIED GOOD MEN GREAT JOB GOLD STAR" but some were more insightful.

It looks like Anubis wants to interact with her more, and be part of her life. There weer a lot of healing and rebirth symbols, and I got the impression Anubis wants to act a little bit like a psychopomp, removing the things that are "dead" and then directing in healing. It reminds me of soul retrieval in Shamanism.

Bastet would like her to accept help when it's needed. I know how hard that is though.

My personal favorite, however, is what Thoth said.
Me: Thoth. The nine of pentacles. Dropping some wisdom. This card represents ambiguity, and I feel like this relates to your writing. As Thoth is a God of writing. You're cautious about it. But it might be time to throw caution to the wind.
Fr: Seeing how endlessly long I have been avoiding editing my novel and taking the leap to self-publish it, I think Thoth might be onto something here.
Me: I think so too. He's Shia Labeouf screaming "Just do it!"
Fr: Hahah omg now I'm just imagining an Ibis screeching at me.

Bags

May. 14th, 2017 11:25 pm
quetzalzotz: (Tarot)
I've finished 5 tarot bags, and started my 6th.

Top row: UFO, Transparent, Zombie
Bottom row: Shaman, Vampire
WIP: Universal Goddess

The good thing about Itunes is I watch movies/tv full screen so I don't do other things on my computer. Because depression is fueling a desire to go shopping and with our dollar being shit right now, shopping is outrageous.


Shopping

May. 12th, 2017 08:45 pm
quetzalzotz: (GoatHead)
The worst part about getting into Paganism again is how much I want to go shopping. I might try window shopping later. I dunno.

UGH I NEED A SUGAR DADDY
quetzalzotz: (Durga)
I was googling for ideas with BoS type things with index cards and I couldn't find much. It's both scary and encouraging.

I like looking at examples that other people have done. I feel secure knowing I can imitate and copy. But because I haven't found anything, it means I have to do it all from scratch, which is kind of the whole point with what I'm doing anyway.

I'm probably behind on reading and copying things into Evernote. Since I had no time on vacation, and then got sick. I feel bad about that.

Part of me, too, isn't sure how to organize the index cards as well. I bought a-z tabs, and I know Staples has blank tabs too, that I could make more "standard" sections.

I feel like part of this project is a try-as-you-go thing. I need to get more into Evernote first, then from there I can write things up nice. I like Evernote because whenever I copy/paste things in, it automatically saves the source (from Kindle, even the page numbers) .

I like feeling this eagerness. I actually read an amazing Tumblr post today about mental illness and pagan practice. I don't feel like I can do rituals, or even some spells. I like this part of it, the collecting and organizing. The writing. The reading. And that is enough. I don't have to do elaborate rituals to be spiritual, or to honor my Gods. I think this was a big problem I had before, because I did feel pushed heavily into ritual and that wasn't me. So I stopped completely. Now I feel like I can do things this way.

Maybe I will feel able to do rituals eventually, or sometimes. Or maybe I'll find pleasure in creating them instead. That's still a ritual act, is it not? Magic, to me, is an act of creation. You raise energy and direct it to a goal. How is that diminished by not lighting candles, or not chanting? I know some people need that in their lives, and need a strong community. I don't feel like I do. I feel like I can be okay like this. If anything, I think I'll be better.

Vacation

May. 8th, 2017 08:35 pm
quetzalzotz: (Ixchel)
I was in Ottawa last week and we went to the beautiful museum of history (Formerly the Civilization museum) and while most of it was closed for renovations and new exhibit installations, the Native galleries were open. It was beautiful.

On my dad's side, way back, I have Mohican ancestors. I would never try to claim their culture as my own (I am super white), I still feel interested in learning about it and connecting somehow. Going to the museum was good. There was lots about many tribes, usually more well known Canadian ones like the Haida and Metis people. There was some gorgeous stuff, like carved masks and jewellery. Walking through it all, especially when I got away from my aunt, felt peaceful. It felt right, somehow. There was something intense and meaningful about seeing this art. It deeply inspired me, more so than the art gallery (I fail to see how a high def close up of some guy's taint is art. Yes, I saw that at the national art gallery).

I got myself a pair of thunderbird earrings. James has a thunderbird tattooed on his back, and it's one of his spirit guides. When he meditates, he usually meets his thunderbird.

Driving up to Ottawa as well, I saw lots of inuksuit on the side of the road. That, too, made me feel inspired and Connected Somehow. I might to a tarot reading on it at some point. I'm still recovering from the vacation, and I have a cold.

I didn't get much spiritual stuff done during the evenings, like I had hoped, because my aunt wanted to watch Black Sails and I couldn't use my computer as a dual setup with Itunes. Itunes is stupid like that. Not that Black Sails was bad (EXCEPT WTF SHE HATED THE ENDING??!!!)

I saw in one of my books something really briefly about index cards and recipe box style things to organize stuff, and I don't really remember all of it, but I went out today and got some index cards and holders and I really like the idea of having quick reference guide things. Like, my full information stuff will be in Evernote. All the detail, all that stuff. But these cards can be quick reference. I want to know at a glance my birth card? Pull out my card. Need to look up a gem quick? Card.

Don't get me wrong, I love the intangibleness of Evernote and of the computer. But something is drawing me to something physical as well.

I think I'll do more reading tonight, while I lay on Percival and sniffle pathetically.

quetzalzotz: (Lakshmi)
The problems I'd run into before about paganism were I didn't feel like I did practice right. Somehow. I was obsessed with gathering information and I wanted to get everything and then I'd organize it and make a perfect book, and then I could be a Pagan.

It's very flawed, of course. But something about that still feels right to me.

But I'm going to do it different this time.

So I'll read books, make notes, and if another book has something else, go with my intuition. Don't let myself get bogged down in details.

No idea how well I'll manage. I'm hoping to start with my first book this week, depending on how I'm feeling (Which right now is bad) and class work (which right now is moderately heavy)

I'll be starting with my e-books first (because ease), picked at random. To help myself not be so linear and caught up in details.

I'll keep things updated here, obviously.
quetzalzotz: (Default)
Here I am, all caught up! So now I'll just be doing it daily.

Read more... )

Faith

Mar. 10th, 2017 01:21 pm
quetzalzotz: (Default)
I'm working on that 31 day prompt thing and it's gotten me thinking a lot about faith.

Faith is something I struggle with. I've never had a lot of faith and I don't really know why. I've been Pagan on and off for years, "Christian" ish on and off before then. And I don't know how to have faith.

I tried Googling it earlier but I just got directed to Christian sites, and that's something really different.

Maybe I'm thinking too much in that Christian mindset, where you have to believe in Jesus and God. Do I believe in Quetzalcoatl? I don't know. I have soft evidence, and I'm sure lots could be explained away. Do I believe in crystals? I don't know. I can share what I've experienced, but how much is that psychosomatic? And, even if it all is in my head, is that so bad? Does that invalidate it as "not real."

I can argue it either way, which is bizarre because I don't argue it with soulbonds. It also happens in my head, and I firmly consider it real.

I don't know what my struggle is with this, exactly.

Crash

Mar. 8th, 2017 09:05 pm
quetzalzotz: (Tarot)
Two posts whaaaat?

I have accomplished nothing this evening, but I did want to talk a little bit about why I think things might be rekindled.

Not too long ago, a few weeks, my computer crashed. I lost all the Pagan stuff I had accumulated over the years. I lost PDFs, I lost notes, I lost a lot.

I still have all my print books, and my Kindle books. I have my tarot decks and anything I have posted on my old Pagan journal.

But this is a pretty big clean start. I mean, I have nothing. It's like starting from the beginning, before things went south.

So I think this might be really good. I might keep browsing a couple of the tumblrs I bookmarked already. But that's also problematic. I ran into that trap last time I did this. I would try to obsessively gather information, but never actually put it together. So I don't want to do that.

My fear was always finding something that contradicted other information, or found more information, and I'd miss something important. I was born nosy like that. But I think I have to try to wean myself off that, and, I don't know, do something? 

The problem is I don't really know how to do that. My first pagan friend liked the idea of just writing what I know, not going through multiple sources. My second also told me to get off my ass but her focus was a lot on rituals and such.

I'm on the fence about rituals and spellwork, and certainly don't enjoy feeling forced into them. To me, part of the experience is writing things out and that part. Maybe I should focus on that part first.

It's weird doing hobbies, like a normal person. I miss the gym but I have a rash that is irritated so I have to lay off a little there. And now I want to add an additional thing of Rune and Tarot readings. Plus school full time, and crochet.

I don't know. I've been writing this post for like an hour.

Things

Mar. 8th, 2017 03:14 pm
quetzalzotz: (Quetzalcoatl)
I went on a weird tumblr binge, and found a lot of Pagan things. I started missing it again. I found a great little 30 day prompt thing. I think I'm going to do that. I might redo the first eight to catch up and do the remaining in line with the days, or do them when I feel like it. But I worry I'll skip like months at a time.

Maybe I'll decide as I read the prompts. I'm in class right now, technically. But that usually doesn't stop me.

I'm thinking about moving my tarot stuff and runes upstairs to where I usually stay to do readings daily.

Intro

Oct. 27th, 2016 08:49 pm
quetzalzotz: (Default)
I’ve been struggling with how to write this post. Do I start at the beginning where I didn’t feel like I fit in with Christianity? Do I talk about how I love mythology? Do I try to encompass everything?

I’ve been a Pagan on and off for years now. Every time I’d meet someone who I thought would help, eventually they ended up hurting me, and turning me off practice for a long time.

First was Crazy Pagan Girl, as I called her before I knew her name. We met in high school, and she had long black hair, doc martins, and wore a pentacle. She introduced me to Wicca and Paganism. She was my best friend.

Until she tried to stage an intervention because I’m a soulbonder.

Shortly before this, I met another woman, also Wiccan, who told me about soulbonding.

We were great together. We were best friends, we were like family.

And she turned me off paganism for almost two years. She and he coven had discovered their own path, and she worked tirelessly to get me to join in, even though I didn’t feel like it truly fit me. My alien encounters had to be encounters with their fae, their concept of “familiars” meant soulbonds and most of my people weren’t comfortable with that. But I was so afraid of her, of losing this family, that I did what I had to.

So then when I moved, I got rid of a lot of stuff I had never unpacked, like my pagan stuff. But I kept a lot of it, because it was still important to me. I still wanted to use it, somehow.

So now I’m feeling things again, and seeing what will happen. I don’t know how it’ll go, but we’ll see I guess.

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