Quetzal's Journey

Today is the solstice! In my personal mythology, this is when Quetzalcoatl is at his strongest, and after today, he transfers power back to Cama Zotz.

I don't have anything really planned for today, but I did stop at Chapters, and I got a new oracle deck. It's the Messages from your Animal Spirit Guides deck. I asked Dukat if he'd let me do a animal totem pull for him.

Pueo (Hawaiian Owl)
Omg they're adorable.

"Your ancestral spirit guides are offering you guidance now, so pay close attention to signs and omens from them."
I don't know much about Cardassian spiritual beliefs, but I do know family is hugely important to them. And Dukat has lost pretty much all of his family.

My future sister-in-law is coming over in half an hour or so to get a tarot reading done and have some snacks, chill, chat. My apartment is still mostly a nightmare, but I have tried. I feel insecure about it but oh well. I really did try.

I have a bunch of snacks, from some cheese and meats, fruit kebabs, and candy and chips and chocolate.

I'm not sure what kind of reading she's interested in, if it's something more general or more specfic. I'm not sure if we'll do any other readings but I have my runes and pendulums ready as well.

I'm sort of hoping she'll want a full "work up" as it were. Birth charts, animal totems, chakra reading, crystals. It would be nice to have someone actually in real life who is interested in this stuff.

We'll start with the reading for now and see how it goes. I need to put out the meat and cheese soon.

I'm at that point in my Book work where I'm panicking because I don't know how to keep everything consistent.  I want it to somehow look professional, and I don't really know why. This isn't a professional book. This is my book, and it's okay if it's not consistent. As long as I understand it and know what I'm talking about, and I do my best to make it neat, it's fine.

Ugh, make my weirdness about this stoppp.

I think I'm going to ease my way into it, somehow. I'll figure it out.

My Alphabet section was easy. I found a great chart I printed out with 17 different lettering systems, lining up with the alphabet we know. It includes Tengwar and Tolkien dwavish runes. If only it had Klingon!

I have a book called Discover Your Psychic Type and it's not bad. It basically postulates that there are four types of psychic types: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

The book didn't have a ton of useful stuff for my BoS, but I did do the quiz.

C-55-Mental intuitive
A-45-Physical intuitive
D-39-Spiritual intuitive
B-33-Emotional intuitive

I'm surprised at my lower score for emotional intuitive, and my relatively high physical intuitive.

Mental makes sense. I want answers, lol.

I did a reading for the_choir today and it was pretty insightful I think.

There wa a scene in American Gods that really hit Fireez, and I offered to do a tarot reading. I modified a 12 Olympians spread using Egyptian gods.

Some didn't have a lot of messages, like Isis, who basically was like "YOU MARRIED GOOD MEN GREAT JOB GOLD STAR" but some were more insightful.

It looks like Anubis wants to interact with her more, and be part of her life. There weer a lot of healing and rebirth symbols, and I got the impression Anubis wants to act a little bit like a psychopomp, removing the things that are "dead" and then directing in healing. It reminds me of soul retrieval in Shamanism.

Bastet would like her to accept help when it's needed. I know how hard that is though.

My personal favorite, however, is what Thoth said.
Me: Thoth. The nine of pentacles. Dropping some wisdom. This card represents ambiguity, and I feel like this relates to your writing. As Thoth is a God of writing. You're cautious about it. But it might be time to throw caution to the wind.
Fr: Seeing how endlessly long I have been avoiding editing my novel and taking the leap to self-publish it, I think Thoth might be onto something here.
Me: I think so too. He's Shia Labeouf screaming "Just do it!"
Fr: Hahah omg now I'm just imagining an Ibis screeching at me.

The worst part about getting into Paganism again is how much I want to go shopping. I might try window shopping later. I dunno.

UGH I NEED A SUGAR DADDY

I was in Ottawa last week and we went to the beautiful museum of history (Formerly the Civilization museum) and while most of it was closed for renovations and new exhibit installations, the Native galleries were open. It was beautiful.

On my dad's side, way back, I have Mohican ancestors. I would never try to claim their culture as my own (I am super white), I still feel interested in learning about it and connecting somehow. Going to the museum was good. There was lots about many tribes, usually more well known Canadian ones like the Haida and Metis people. There was some gorgeous stuff, like carved masks and jewellery. Walking through it all, especially when I got away from my aunt, felt peaceful. It felt right, somehow. There was something intense and meaningful about seeing this art. It deeply inspired me, more so than the art gallery (I fail to see how a high def close up of some guy's taint is art. Yes, I saw that at the national art gallery).

I got myself a pair of thunderbird earrings. James has a thunderbird tattooed on his back, and it's one of his spirit guides. When he meditates, he usually meets his thunderbird.

Driving up to Ottawa as well, I saw lots of inuksuit on the side of the road. That, too, made me feel inspired and Connected Somehow. I might to a tarot reading on it at some point. I'm still recovering from the vacation, and I have a cold.

I didn't get much spiritual stuff done during the evenings, like I had hoped, because my aunt wanted to watch Black Sails and I couldn't use my computer as a dual setup with Itunes. Itunes is stupid like that. Not that Black Sails was bad (EXCEPT WTF SHE HATED THE ENDING??!!!)

I saw in one of my books something really briefly about index cards and recipe box style things to organize stuff, and I don't really remember all of it, but I went out today and got some index cards and holders and I really like the idea of having quick reference guide things. Like, my full information stuff will be in Evernote. All the detail, all that stuff. But these cards can be quick reference. I want to know at a glance my birth card? Pull out my card. Need to look up a gem quick? Card.

Don't get me wrong, I love the intangibleness of Evernote and of the computer. But something is drawing me to something physical as well.

I think I'll do more reading tonight, while I lay on Percival and sniffle pathetically.

Here I am, all caught up! So now I'll just be doing it daily.

( Read more... )

Two posts whaaaat?

I have accomplished nothing this evening, but I did want to talk a little bit about why I think things might be rekindled.

Not too long ago, a few weeks, my computer crashed. I lost all the Pagan stuff I had accumulated over the years. I lost PDFs, I lost notes, I lost a lot.

I still have all my print books, and my Kindle books. I have my tarot decks and anything I have posted on my old Pagan journal.

But this is a pretty big clean start. I mean, I have nothing. It's like starting from the beginning, before things went south.

So I think this might be really good. I might keep browsing a couple of the tumblrs I bookmarked already. But that's also problematic. I ran into that trap last time I did this. I would try to obsessively gather information, but never actually put it together. So I don't want to do that.

My fear was always finding something that contradicted other information, or found more information, and I'd miss something important. I was born nosy like that. But I think I have to try to wean myself off that, and, I don't know, do something? 

The problem is I don't really know how to do that. My first pagan friend liked the idea of just writing what I know, not going through multiple sources. My second also told me to get off my ass but her focus was a lot on rituals and such.

I'm on the fence about rituals and spellwork, and certainly don't enjoy feeling forced into them. To me, part of the experience is writing things out and that part. Maybe I should focus on that part first.

It's weird doing hobbies, like a normal person. I miss the gym but I have a rash that is irritated so I have to lay off a little there. And now I want to add an additional thing of Rune and Tarot readings. Plus school full time, and crochet.

I don't know. I've been writing this post for like an hour.

I’ve been struggling with how to write this post. Do I start at the beginning where I didn’t feel like I fit in with Christianity? Do I talk about how I love mythology? Do I try to encompass everything?

I’ve been a Pagan on and off for years now. Every time I’d meet someone who I thought would help, eventually they ended up hurting me, and turning me off practice for a long time.

First was Crazy Pagan Girl, as I called her before I knew her name. We met in high school, and she had long black hair, doc martins, and wore a pentacle. She introduced me to Wicca and Paganism. She was my best friend.

Until she tried to stage an intervention because I’m a soulbonder.

Shortly before this, I met another woman, also Wiccan, who told me about soulbonding.

We were great together. We were best friends, we were like family.

And she turned me off paganism for almost two years. She and he coven had discovered their own path, and she worked tirelessly to get me to join in, even though I didn’t feel like it truly fit me. My alien encounters had to be encounters with their fae, their concept of “familiars” meant soulbonds and most of my people weren’t comfortable with that. But I was so afraid of her, of losing this family, that I did what I had to.

So then when I moved, I got rid of a lot of stuff I had never unpacked, like my pagan stuff. But I kept a lot of it, because it was still important to me. I still wanted to use it, somehow.

So now I’m feeling things again, and seeing what will happen. I don’t know how it’ll go, but we’ll see I guess.