May. 10th, 2017

quetzalzotz: (Durga)
I was googling for ideas with BoS type things with index cards and I couldn't find much. It's both scary and encouraging.

I like looking at examples that other people have done. I feel secure knowing I can imitate and copy. But because I haven't found anything, it means I have to do it all from scratch, which is kind of the whole point with what I'm doing anyway.

I'm probably behind on reading and copying things into Evernote. Since I had no time on vacation, and then got sick. I feel bad about that.

Part of me, too, isn't sure how to organize the index cards as well. I bought a-z tabs, and I know Staples has blank tabs too, that I could make more "standard" sections.

I feel like part of this project is a try-as-you-go thing. I need to get more into Evernote first, then from there I can write things up nice. I like Evernote because whenever I copy/paste things in, it automatically saves the source (from Kindle, even the page numbers) .

I like feeling this eagerness. I actually read an amazing Tumblr post today about mental illness and pagan practice. I don't feel like I can do rituals, or even some spells. I like this part of it, the collecting and organizing. The writing. The reading. And that is enough. I don't have to do elaborate rituals to be spiritual, or to honor my Gods. I think this was a big problem I had before, because I did feel pushed heavily into ritual and that wasn't me. So I stopped completely. Now I feel like I can do things this way.

Maybe I will feel able to do rituals eventually, or sometimes. Or maybe I'll find pleasure in creating them instead. That's still a ritual act, is it not? Magic, to me, is an act of creation. You raise energy and direct it to a goal. How is that diminished by not lighting candles, or not chanting? I know some people need that in their lives, and need a strong community. I don't feel like I do. I feel like I can be okay like this. If anything, I think I'll be better.


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