Quetzal's Journey

I've been feeling both motivated and stuck when getting my pagan stuff done. I want to dive in and make things, but I'm struggling and feeling stuck. I wanted to know why, and came across this layout. I'm using the celestial deck, as this is a spiritual based question and I am a astro-pagan.

1. Where you are now, the present situation-Five of Swords-Pegasus
Feeling vulnerable or uncertain. Yeah, this is exactly how I'm feeling. I don't know what to do or how to start or even on some level, what I want. I feel like I'm trying to hatch this thing that is ultimately just mine, but somehow feels public. I don't know why. I don't have to ever share this stuff. I just feel confused.

2. What's over your head. This can be what's on your mind, or an attitude or habit which keeps you in this situation.-Three of Wands-Perseus
A nee course of action and new plans. Well all of this is new so yeah, I can see why it's my issue. I think part of me feels like I have to build something from scratch. I mean, in some way I do, but not all of it, I suppose.

3 and 4: Factors involved in creating this situation-Nine of Cups-Andromeda and The Magician-Mercury
The shackles of the past have been lifted; a divine influence is on your side. The first one I can clearly see as people from my past who held my practice back. Not only Hex, but also Elise. But a divine presence, a God who is looking to help me, I don't know who it could be. I don't know if it's one I work with already, or another one. That needs to be addressed in another reading soon.

5. The basis-an issue or event from the past that put you into this situation-Eight of Wands-Ara
Anxiety and doubt. However, the fire on the card suggests this is being burnt away. And that ties into a lot of factors. I do feel like it has been burning away and that this is sort of part of that process.

6. Breaking out-what you need to do to get out of this situation-Ten of Swords-The Winds of Change
Change is on the horizon, explore new things and possibly even meet new people. I guess I need to be more patient. Not my strong suit. But I also need to push myself. Also not my strong suit.

7. The outside-what it will be like when you are out of the situation-Temperance-Sagittarius
Spiritual awakening and learning. I feel like I could have guessed that.

I mentioned in a previous post that Tormund gives me Green Man feels. Part of it, I'm sure, is that he is a wildling, from beyond the wall, and my first GoT headmate who isn't a member of the noble class.

I'm hoping an oracle reading with the Heart of the Faerie oracle will help.

1. The Queen of the Golden Bough
Support, Soul healing, equilibrium
"This is the queen of all things spiritual, or healing, and of transformation"
This card represents deep, almost primal healing, a soothing spirit. This is actually really funny, because yesterday (and really throughout this whole weekend) I have a lot of family stuff to deal with and I'm pretty stressed out, and he has been a very calming presence. He's excellent. Last night in particular, he was great, even asking me what he could do to help.

2. The Hidden One
Awareness, Attention, self-absorption
This is a card for paying attention. Observing everything and absorbing it. Tormund is a natural tracker, very good with directions, and incredibly observant. He can spot details and patterns and he encourages me to do the same.

3. The Big Behind
New perspective, knowing your options, survival
Again, this feels a lot like just how he is. He's always looking at two or three options, planning for every eventuality, because that's how you survive beyond the wall.

Honestly everything is mostly pointing to the fact he's a wildling, he grew up more in tune with the forest and nature, especially since that far north always has snow and is cold. So I think I might be reading too much into it.

Went to the psychic fair again! You can read about my previous experience here. I went with my sister in law and we had fun together. She loved the Moonology booth, which I went to last time.

I got my aura and chakras checked and they were pretty much the same as last time, so the guy didn't charge me, and Brittany got to have hers done instead. She and I have a lot of similarities, which is cool. It's probably why we get along. I get along better with her than my other stepbrother's girlfriend.

I didn't have another reading done, just because of money. The next fair is in January, so I'll save some birthday/Christmas money for that.

Only Thor came with us. The clones and Bran were supposed to go, but I suspect Thomas had a bad day with his recovery. Our newest headmate, a certain queer ginger I'm majorly crushing on, came with too.

I promised Tormund a card reading, so I'm gonna give him one. I think I'll do this reading for all my new arrivals.
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I'm doing a tarot reading but I'm keeping it on my regular blog, enchanted_manit  because it's kinda intense and it feels more right to post it there.

I got two new tarot decks and I'm testing out the Oceanic Tarot. It's SO PRETTY

And it looks like it'll be straightforward. The cards are almost laid out like an oracle deck with keywords on the cards themselves.

I wanted some insight on what's going on with me and my xeno stuff. Like, I've always been into some aliens. Spock, Maul, and I went through a huge phase before Hex made me schedule my shit, where I was involved with a ton of different aliens from various Star Trek cultures including Klingon, Romulan, Vorta, Andorian,Ferengi, who knows...
It calmed down, but once I invited Dukat back, it's gotten more intense. I'm sure part of it is fangirling with my lizard fucker friends I met on Tumblr, but I doubt it's all them, because I'm also feeling things for Yondu.

So I found a spread called "What Just happened" so I'm going to do that.

1. What's happened?-Nine of Swords-Anxiety
Well, the last 24 hours have been super stressful because my my aunt is having some of the same issues that my mom had before she was diagnosed with bladder cancer. So it's been rough. On top of that, there's the regular panic I've been having in general with life. So I'm pretty much just always anxious.

2. What am I feeling?-Ace of Wands-Growth
The book specifies this can indicate spiritual growth, which is where I'm moving in my life. I'm trying to grow spiritually. But I'm surprised at this because I'm not actually feeling a lot of growth and currently I'm feeling more stagnant. Though, I am feeling like I'm growing in general. I'm cooking for myself, as best I can.
The card also mentioned pregnancy, which reminds me of the dream I had, and the seahorse, funnily enough, reminds me of a fanart I saw for Mermay with seahorse Yondu (his species are marsupials so of course pregnant seahorse fanart happened)

3. What do I need that I'm not receiving? -Eight of Swords-Restriction
I need to restrict myself? Well, this is probably true. I spend a lot of money all the time. Though the book says I'm being restricted, which also makes sense. Mentally I'm restricted for how much I can do, spoon wise. I can't make three meals a day for myself sometimes, so that leads to me having multiple cheese sandwiches as a meal. So I need energy and spoons. This is not surprising.

4. What am I asking for?-The Sun-Happiness
Jesus, hit the nail on the head why don't you? I honestly don't remember the last time I was truly happy, but I have been having fun with Dukat. So I guess I think that the xeno stuff will make me happy. That may or may not be true, but that's what I'm feeling.

I asked what would happen if I indulged and just went full alien orgy and the card I pulled was the Page of Pentacles, which represents opportunity.
To me it says It could go either way. If an opportunity presents itself, such as someone contacting me, or something, I can go for it and it could be okay.

I had a dream last night that feels important, that I need to analyze.

Dream:
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It's my first dream in a long time that feels like a narrative, and I woke up feeling urged to write about it.
I'm doing two forms of interpretation. One is using my dream dictionary, and one will build on that with a tarot reading. Since I'm not super comfortable analyzing dreams yet.

Symbols:
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And onto the tarot reading, I'm using my Revelations tarot deck for this one. Spread from here.
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I usually don't read reversals, even for this deck where the imagery actually represents something reversed and the card isn't just upside down, but I felt like I should. I find it interesting everything is reversed, because I do feel topsy turvy.

Today is the solstice! In my personal mythology, this is when Quetzalcoatl is at his strongest, and after today, he transfers power back to Cama Zotz.

I don't have anything really planned for today, but I did stop at Chapters, and I got a new oracle deck. It's the Messages from your Animal Spirit Guides deck. I asked Dukat if he'd let me do a animal totem pull for him.

Pueo (Hawaiian Owl)
Omg they're adorable.

"Your ancestral spirit guides are offering you guidance now, so pay close attention to signs and omens from them."
I don't know much about Cardassian spiritual beliefs, but I do know family is hugely important to them. And Dukat has lost pretty much all of his family.

Everyone talks about Mercury in Retrograde, probably because it has a tendency to fuck shit up. But other planets go in and out of retrograde too.

I didn't know that.

I bought the 2017 Witches Almanac, to go with my more generic (and Christian) Farmers Almanac. And it had all the retrogrades listed.

This retrograde lasts until November 22, and this retrograde affects the water signs a lot, most notably Pisces, and affects water animals, chemicals, and spiritual and psychic phenomena. 

This could be a particularly interesting time for me, as I am extremely drawn to water, and am pretty in tune to the spiritual and psychic worlds. Or at least I'm trying.

I'm not doing anything other than groceries and maybe a brow wax tomorrow, so I have time to chill out and make a big push. I've done some piddly things, like my wishlists. But nothing major yet. If I get some good work done, I'm going to get some books on spirits and beings.

We're in a couple other retrogrades too. Jupiter is retrograde and it affects large animals, education, and religion. Saturn is effecting the elderly, employment and natural resources. Pluto is affecting ecoloy, espionage, birth and death rares, and strongly affects Scorpios.

My future sister-in-law is coming over in half an hour or so to get a tarot reading done and have some snacks, chill, chat. My apartment is still mostly a nightmare, but I have tried. I feel insecure about it but oh well. I really did try.

I have a bunch of snacks, from some cheese and meats, fruit kebabs, and candy and chips and chocolate.

I'm not sure what kind of reading she's interested in, if it's something more general or more specfic. I'm not sure if we'll do any other readings but I have my runes and pendulums ready as well.

I'm sort of hoping she'll want a full "work up" as it were. Birth charts, animal totems, chakra reading, crystals. It would be nice to have someone actually in real life who is interested in this stuff.

We'll start with the reading for now and see how it goes. I need to put out the meat and cheese soon.

I think I want to do more work with beings. Faeries, angels, creatures, what-have-you. I did work with faeries briefly, but then that got sidetracked...

See, I'm terrified of grey-type aliens. Other aliens? Like, I don't know, Spock, or Darth Maul, or Gul Dukat, I am 1000000% into and extremely attracted to them. But greys, greys scare the bejesus out of me. Even those weird Vagina Mouth greys from Enterprise scare me.

When I was still talking to Hex, she claimed the greys were a type of faerie. And sure, I actually did like some of her arguments and evidence in that case (one of the few things I didn't mind in her cult) but it turned me away from being magic at all.

BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED

SO OF COURSE I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT

But I had an awesome experience with angels at the psychic fair, and a lot of books on beings caught my eye while making my Wishlist section of my BoS, so I'm thinking I'll get a couple books and do some reading.