quetzalzotz: (Cthulu)
I had a dream last night that feels important, that I need to analyze.

Dream:
I was heavily pregnant with Dukat's child. Like, ready to pop pregnant. The problem was that other people were also ready to pop pregnant and I got shuffled aside because it looked like my pregnancy wasn't "real." I didn't have the classic pregnancy look. And I think for part of it, Dukat was a headmade and not "real" but he also was? 

What's especially interesting is that in the dream, it took place sometime after he had been surgically altered to look Bajoran. I don't remember if he had nose wrinkles, so he could have actually been altered to look human. My group of lizard fucker friends and I had watched the episode where he IS surgically altered and while I'm super not into him as anything but my lizard garbage king, I wasn't immediately turned off like I was years ago. But I digress.

I think he was trying to hide who he was, so, surgery. Though it COULD have been a glamour spell. I don't know for sure. But it definitely wasn't Marc Alimo, the actor. We called him Dukat.

Anyway, we're all at what looks kind of like a vacation house and we go to bed. I wake up, needing to go to the hospital, and there are scratch marks on my thighs. No one believes me I'm in labour. I drive myself to the hospital, hospital doesn't believe me, but they get me a room since we're both insisting and they check me out. Surprise, baby's on the way. Of course he comes out half Cardassian, nurses and doctors are baffled until one nerd speaks up. Dukat is revealed as Dukat, but he's pretty enamored with the baby.

No one comes to visit us, because I think it was my future sister in law who gave birth first. But my mom is there. No idea if she was still alive or a ghost or whatever, but she was there. We're in the room, Dukat is off in the nursery watching his son and my mom and I are talking.

I say he loved all of his children, even though I highly doubted all of the ones from his wife were actually all his, and he was willing to move mountains for his half Bajoran daughter and when she died he was heartbroken and it wasn't until Starfleet and Temporal mechanics did he ever begin to heal from it. We talked about how he's seeing doctors properly now, getting real help for his actual mental disorder as well as "deprogramming" from the fascist Cardassian state.

It gets to be feeding time and my mom is gone and it's just the three of us. We named the boy Gerald, after my grandfather, and yeah...that was the dream.
It's my first dream in a long time that feels like a narrative, and I woke up feeling urged to write about it.
I'm doing two forms of interpretation. One is using my dream dictionary, and one will build on that with a tarot reading. Since I'm not super comfortable analyzing dreams yet.

Symbols:
Pregnancy: An example of wish fulfillment, wanting to be pregnant, from the standpoint of either of us, I think. Dukat does love kids and loves interacting with them. However, pregnancy dreams when you're not pregnant suggest a yearning for unconditional love and acceptance. This ties in a lot with how I felt on Canada day. I was the outcast, the 7th wheel, and I felt very alone and ignored by my dads family. The same people who ignored me in the dream.

Hospital: Hospitals can relate to transitions that aren't going smoothly, and it also suggests you need some TLC. I feel like I'm still recuperating from Saturday, and that could be the TLC I need. Since Dukat was a focal point in the dream, it'll be that I need that from him. It's not exactly his strong suit, but I do think he's capable of it.

Visits from a deceased "loved one" (I put that in quotes because my mom and I did have a complicated relationship): More hope and comfort. It could actually not represent my mother at all, and represent a spirit guide I'm not super familiar with giving me that hope and comfort.

Cuts on legs: an inability to stand up for yourself.

And onto the tarot reading, I'm using my Revelations tarot deck for this one. Spread from here.

1. Overall theme of the dream:Six of wands, reversed
Lack of support, learning to take care of yourself. This ties into what the dream is saying, things aren't going as smoothly as they could, there is a lot of things going on, and that it's okay to take time out and rest.

2. What is blocking the message: Ten of Swords, reversed
Defiance, going up from the bottom, not giving into defeat. I need to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

3. Message of the Dream: Eight of Swords, reversed
Breaking out of bonds, being free, breaking down mental barriers and freeing yourself. Other people won't do it for you. I think I'm at that point where I'm waiting for others to make decisions and I need to start being more aggressive.

4. Lesson to be learned: Ten of Wands, reversed
Burdening yourself too much, taking on too much. Again, allow yourself breaks. Don't stress about perfection. I think this might tie into my bullet journal too. It's okay to stumble and miss days, or not get everything done, especially out the gate. Just do your best without hurting yourself.

I usually don't read reversals, even for this deck where the imagery actually represents something reversed and the card isn't just upside down, but I felt like I should. I find it interesting everything is reversed, because I do feel topsy turvy.
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