Quetzal's Journey

I've been trying the index card thing and I just can't get it to work out. I can envision something but it's not playing out right. So I'm switching to a binder. I had an old one I emptied out, but I did get a set of divider tabs. They're numbered, 1-31.

I currently am having sinus problems (feels like a cold, but only the specific sinus meds have helped so I'm suspecting a sinus infection) so I figured it would be a good day to organize the tabs, make my list of sections. I wouldn't stress about it except for the fact they only give you one index sheet and the Word Document template isn't a copy of it.

I suppose I could scan it in and have a blank copy I could print out.

It's slow going. I feel awful and I mostly want to lay down and veg out while watching DS9 (which is giving me SO MANY feels).

I'm still doing the "selfish" route, by limiting things to what I actually have. Especially for big categories like crystals. Some will be "normal" like moon phase correspondences, or elements.

I'm currently trying to brainstorm ideas for what to include.

I have a book called Discover Your Psychic Type and it's not bad. It basically postulates that there are four types of psychic types: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

The book didn't have a ton of useful stuff for my BoS, but I did do the quiz.

C-55-Mental intuitive
A-45-Physical intuitive
D-39-Spiritual intuitive
B-33-Emotional intuitive

I'm surprised at my lower score for emotional intuitive, and my relatively high physical intuitive.

Mental makes sense. I want answers, lol.

I don't know what I should do about a situation with a former friend. A part of me wants to contact her after I found a post of hers, mostly for closure and truly airing my grievances, which I didn't do. But it does have the potential to open a can of worms.

So, Tarot.

1.When you need to know about where you are right now-Queen of Pentacles-Earth
This card can represent changes and actually mentions birth and midwifery, bringing something new into life. I feel like I'm at that point, I'm the thing being born, the thing growing and blossoming.

2. Benefits of speaking to her-Death-Matter and Antimatter
"When matter and antimatter meet, they annihilate each other. But this destruction is not wanton of wasteful  because out of the process new particles are born.'
This has the potential to be explosive. It could have ripple affects through everything. Even so, it seems like ultimately it would be beneficial. New things come from this.

3. Downsides of speaking to her-Nine of Swords-Matter/Antimatter Annihilations
Fears with an external trigger. This could set me off in a negative way, or it could represent annihiliations, or ripple affects among other friends.

4. The probable outcome-Page of Cups-Ophiuchus
This card talks about healing and knowledge, and seeing the world with an innocent kind of wonder. Despite the awesome forces of all the inevitable emotions, this could be that rebirth I need.

5. Benefits of not speaking to her-Three of Swords-Red Dwarf
This card talks about feeling small, suppressing and denying pain. This ties in with the fact closure is important to me, I need to defend myself and I didn't do that before. However, n this position, it almost indicates I would be aware of this regardless? 

6. Downsides of not speaking to her-The Fool-The Big Bang
This is the genesis. This is birth. This is the start of a journey. This is newness. If I don't talk to her, I can't get this rebirth that I've been seeing repeated in other cards.

7. The probable outcome-Knight of Pentacles-Centaurus
This represents small steps, plodding along. It's a sharp contract to the violent explosions of annihilations. This is staying where I'm at.

This is a list of all the decks I have, and will eventually be the landing page to when I do reviews for these decks. 
All my decks are stored with clear quartz and rose quartz

Celestial Tarot
Astrological and astronomical deck. Great for spiritual questions and anything more "out there."
9/10

Mayan Tarot
Very authentic style pictures, they look like rock carvings. Good for general readings.
8/10

Necronomicon Tarot
Fun deck, and gorgeous art. Great for nerds. Cool deck for mysteries, or for fun.
9/10

Zombie Tarot-Lepodite
This is my aesthetic. Horror kitsch. Retro-chic zombie fun. great for fun readings, I could see this going well at like a batchelorette party
9/10

Mystic Dreamers Tarot
I got this deck because I recognized a stock model from it. Okay deck, decent for dream interpretation but not the greatest.
6/10

Universal Goddesses Tarot
Wide variety of cultures represented, though there's a lot of Greek/Roman, Norse, and Celtic. Pretty art, great for love and relationship readings.
8/10

Mystic Faerie Tarot
First deck I got. Pretty art, cute deck. A little juvenile, but cute still. Good for general readings, pretty safe and comfortable for people who aren't into this kind of thing.
7/10

Quantum Tarot
Interesting deck, though the artwork leaves much to be desired. Each card is based on a scientific principle, which is cool though. Good for skeptics.
8/10

Transparent Tarot-extra clear quartz
Spreads are meant to be read in stacks, layered on top of each other. It's a neat idea but fails on execution a lot because the cards stick together.
4/10

Vampire Tarot-Bloodstone crystal
Very sexy vampire deck, classic. Great for fun readings, and more deeper or darker readings.
8/10

Sensual Wicca Tarot-zebra jasper
Overly sexual, which can be fun, but parts of it are a little too in your face. I suppose it would be good for sex readings, but I so rarely use this deck because it's just not one I enjoy much.
2/10

UFO Tarot
Spoopy. Actually it's a pretty great deck, lots of beautiful art work and multiple kinds of aliens are represented. I feel like it would be fun for parties, or for the mysterious.
7/10

Animals Divine Tarot
Animal frands! Lots of animals, and some gods and goddesses associated with them. Good for nature readings and fun readings
7/10

Egyptian Tarot
Papyrus style artwork, a little bland. Not super Egyptiany, but definitely good for Egyptian readings
6/10

Shaman Tarot-Apache tear
The suits can be a little hard to understand, but it's a pretty deck. Okay-ish for spiritual readings but not an amazing deck.
6/10

Bablyonian Tarot-Petrified wood
Neat deck, with an interesting take on tarot and includes some Bablyonian mythology. I'm not well versed in it, but pretty good deck for general readings.
6/10

Revelations Tarot
Beautiful stained glass cards, designed to be read with reversals. Simply stunning, and very powerful messages. Great for spiritual readings
8/10

Heart of the Faerie Oracle
Fun little deck. Good for work with the spirits, but leaves some to be desired for larger readings
6/10

Anubis Oracle
Very small, very limited, not really worth it for readings
1/10

I went to the psychic fair today! What an incredible experience. I loved it, and I may go again to the September show. I had five readings done and did a little shopping. I went with Percival, Bodhi, Credence, Thor, and Eurwen. Bodhi and Credence stayed in the lecture area because it was too much for Credence, but they enjoyed that. Thor had a great time, as did Eurwen his niffler. If you recall, he got a niffler for Christmas, who is a failed treasure hunter, but she's a great pet. He has a little harness for her, and bought her some worry stone type coins, which she loved and stashed away. She's practically Thor's therapy animal, he's very level headed when she's around. Percival enjoyed seeing everything. He is a Seer himself, even though he didn't put a lot of it to the test and went with more practical magical skills.

This will be a LONG post, and each reading will be under it's own cut, as will my purchases.

I'll post about the readings in order, and I'll post my purchases first.

( Shopping! )

Now, the readings. They were intense.

( Computer Reading )

( Chakra and Aura reading )

( Evolove Angel and Crystal reading )

( Moonology )

( Guardian Angel reading )

Overall, an amazing day. I still feel energized and really positive about how things are. I feel happy getting all this validation and feel really like I'm being true to myself. I feel overwhelmed a little, with how much this spoke to me. I wasn't expecting it and it was worth going today. These readings, even the computer one, had insight and merits and there was a lot of mutual confirmation among different readings.

It was incredible.

I started drinking tea. It caught my eye at the mall and I got some yesterday. I thought maybe I should look at the properties of the tea ingredients.

I'm not looking for herbalism, which I define as what the purported healing properties of the herb are. If I'm having a physical problem, I'm going to talk to my doctor first, or use something I'm familiar with that I know works. I've never been into naturopathy so I'm not looking at those at all. I'm looking at mystical or spiritual properties.

I bought three teas and I'll be trying each of them over the next few days ( I think a pitcher will last me two days), and I also have a couple fruity teas from a while ago that might also be good iced and I'll try them as well

This is the Electric Lemonade from David's Tea. To make a 64oz pitcher, I steeped 8 perfect scoops (their own scoop size) in 32oz of boiling water for seven minutes and then topped it off with water and chilled it overnight.

It's pretty good, not a very strong lemonade flavour. It's more of a mixed berry tea with some lemon aftertaste. I am going to try ten scoops to get a stronger flavour without oversteeping. It's very refreshing and light, with no tea taste. It's got caffeine and looks a little bit like pee. But overall I'd give it a solid B. I would definitely buy it again, especially if I can get it on sale like I did yesterday.

Ingredients:
Apple: fertility, love, beauty (Source)
Blackberry leaves: female fertility (Source)
Blueberry: Protection (Source)
Green Mate: When I searched for this, I found yerba mate so I think they're very similar. Love, lust, fidelity. (Source)
Raspberry: Protection, love (Source)
Strawberry: Love, luck (Source)
Red Currant: I couldn't find anything, except for herbalism properties as opposed to mystical. Given the other ingredients of this tea, I can't imagine it's something outrageously different.

Given these ingredients, it's definitely a romance tea and could be used as a love potion.

I've finished 5 tarot bags, and started my 6th.

Top row: UFO, Transparent, Zombie
Bottom row: Shaman, Vampire
WIP: Universal Goddess

The good thing about Itunes is I watch movies/tv full screen so I don't do other things on my computer. Because depression is fueling a desire to go shopping and with our dollar being shit right now, shopping is outrageous.

I was googling for ideas with BoS type things with index cards and I couldn't find much. It's both scary and encouraging.

I like looking at examples that other people have done. I feel secure knowing I can imitate and copy. But because I haven't found anything, it means I have to do it all from scratch, which is kind of the whole point with what I'm doing anyway.

I'm probably behind on reading and copying things into Evernote. Since I had no time on vacation, and then got sick. I feel bad about that.

Part of me, too, isn't sure how to organize the index cards as well. I bought a-z tabs, and I know Staples has blank tabs too, that I could make more "standard" sections.

I feel like part of this project is a try-as-you-go thing. I need to get more into Evernote first, then from there I can write things up nice. I like Evernote because whenever I copy/paste things in, it automatically saves the source (from Kindle, even the page numbers) .

I like feeling this eagerness. I actually read an amazing Tumblr post today about mental illness and pagan practice. I don't feel like I can do rituals, or even some spells. I like this part of it, the collecting and organizing. The writing. The reading. And that is enough. I don't have to do elaborate rituals to be spiritual, or to honor my Gods. I think this was a big problem I had before, because I did feel pushed heavily into ritual and that wasn't me. So I stopped completely. Now I feel like I can do things this way.

Maybe I will feel able to do rituals eventually, or sometimes. Or maybe I'll find pleasure in creating them instead. That's still a ritual act, is it not? Magic, to me, is an act of creation. You raise energy and direct it to a goal. How is that diminished by not lighting candles, or not chanting? I know some people need that in their lives, and need a strong community. I don't feel like I do. I feel like I can be okay like this. If anything, I think I'll be better.

I used to sew my own tarot bags, but I don't have a sewing machine and I'm not really good with fabric without help (my Krennic pillow being the notable exception because it had sewing lines on it, lol). I thought about getting the sewing machine from my aunt and trying (as I have some fabric stashed away) but I wanted to make something more personal and since I crochet, I'm doing that! And my organza bags are pretty torn up so....These should stack nicely too!
I modified a couple different patterns in order to get the look I wanted. It's all in one, with a latch and flap closure (I thought about getting buttons but Michaels doesn't have a big selection and Fabricland is kinda shitty in general)


This pouch is for my Vampire tarot and it's in a blood red Caron Simply Soft yarn. This is one of my favorite yarns to work with even though it had a tendency to split while you're working. It's so soft though. I definitely want to make their spectrum afghan.




The crystals I keep with this deck are my usual clear and rose quartz, and the deck specific stone is bloodstone.

My exams are over, I should have passed all my courses (but SOME profs are lacking in their grading), but honesty that's not even the first thing on my mind right now.

Maybe I'm just exhausted and anxious from exams and need some rest so it's on my mind. The more I read my spirituality books and do things that connect me to that, such as crystal shopping today, the more I realize just how much I wanted to be handed some kind of perfect system. I wanted to be given a perfect guidebook on how to Be A Pagan, with someone telling me what all my little feelings meant. I wanted this probably because I didn't trust myself.

Now I know more of what I want. I don't want to do rituals, at least right now. I want to make little knowledgey, pagany files on my headmates, with power animals and full astrological charts. That's practice to me, not rituals, especially ones I don't personally agree with. I think everyone knows the story of the crazy fucking cult.

I want to grow herbs indoors (except I have no natural light so I actually can't). Me. Growing something. I killed a cactus. I KILLED AN ALOE.

The problem is feelings like this make me long for a place I can't go to, so I'm going to go back to writing just absolute torture porn and whump, because maybe I'll feel something that isn't a coffee induced madness.